Why I Refused My 12-Year-Old Son a Smartphone—The Shocking Reason Will Leave You Speechless!

The tragic death of 11-year-old Jaiden Sheata in January has intensified the debate surrounding smartphone use among children. Jaiden was struck and killed by a train at a level crossing in South London after being distracted by a video on his phone. This incident has resonated deeply with many parents, including Mary Barker, a local mother who recently shared her reasons for delaying giving her son, Edwin, a smartphone.

On January 23, as Jaiden walked to school, he approached the Bourneview footpath crossing. According to reports from the Rail Accident Investigation Branch, CCTV footage showed him looking ahead as well as down at what investigators deduced was the glowing screen of his phone. Tragically, it was revealed that he was watching a video clip when he was hit by a Southern train traveling at 50 mph (80 km/h).

In light of this heartbreaking incident, Mary has made the decision to ensure that Edwin, now 12, remains one of the few children in his year without a smartphone. She expressed her resolve, stating, “Jaiden was local to us, and his death was truly shocking—made even more heartbreaking knowing that without a smartphone in the mix, he may still be with us.”

Mary cited a recent viewing of the Netflix series Adolescence, where a young character becomes radicalized after consuming unsuitable content on his smartphone, as further affirmation of her stance. “It made me realize I was doing the right thing,” she shared. Like many parents, she grapples with the challenges of screen time and is determined to shield her son from the potential dangers associated with smartphone use.

The conversation around smartphone access for young children is not just a local issue. Prince William recently mentioned that discussions about giving his 12-year-old son, Prince George, a phone have become “tense.” He and Kate Middleton are considering allowing George a device but with restrictions, suggesting it may have “no internet access.”

Mary Barker, a stylist from Oxted, Surrey, acknowledges the complexities of parenting in a digital age. “When I do relent, I will only be giving Edwin a ‘brick’ phone,” she stated, emphasizing her desire to avoid the distractions that come with smartphones. Edwin himself agrees with his mother's perspective, indicating that he believes a smartphone would distract him and affect his sleep. “As a teacher at school said during a PSHE talk, ‘You don’t control a smartphone; they control you,’” Mary reflected.

Experts are voicing their concerns as well. Daisy Greenwell, co-founder and director of Smartphone Free Childhood, pointed out that the surge in smartphone usage among teens has been linked to rising rates of anxiety, depression, and self-harm. She explained, “Every ping and notification is engineered to grab attention, so kids find it hard to focus on schoolwork or relationships.” Greenwell advocates for limiting smartphone access, suggesting that children should wait until at least age 14 for their first smartphone and age 16 for social media.

Greenwell also highlights the broader implications of smartphone usage for family dynamics, stating, “They spark battles over screen time and leave less space for conversation, calm, and connection.” The average teen now faces hundreds of alerts a day, leading to constant distractions that fragment focus and disrupt sleep.

For parents like Mary, navigating this digital landscape can feel overwhelming. She recommends that families join together in their communities to delay smartphone access for their children. This can provide collective support, making it easier for kids to wait a few years longer than their peers. “Get them a brick phone in the meantime if you need to stay in contact en route to school,” she advised.

The conversation surrounding children and smartphones is crucial as society grapples with the implications of technology on youth development. With the tragic case of Jaiden Sheata serving as a stark reminder, many parents are reconsidering the timing and necessity of smartphones in their children’s lives. For now, Mary and many others will continue to weigh the risks and benefits carefully, hoping to protect their children from harm in an increasingly connected world.