My Son's House Is a Breath of Danger: Can I Save Him Before It's Too Late?

DEAR ABBY: I’m an ophthalmologist, and I want to shed light on a widespread misconception in eye health. Many people believe that eye diseases are only a concern for older adults. While it’s true that conditions like age-related macular degeneration, glaucoma, and cataracts become more prevalent as we age, younger individuals are also at risk for serious eye issues. This is especially true for the nearly 40 million Americans living with diabetes. Diabetic retinopathy, a complication that damages blood vessels in the retina, is now the leading cause of blindness among working-age adults in the U.S. The solution to this alarming trend is straightforward: regular medical eye exams. Unfortunately, many people are not taking this critical step.

According to the American Academy of Ophthalmology, regular eye exams and timely interventions can reduce the risk of severe vision loss by more than 90%. Yet, only about 60% of people with diabetes receive the recommended annual dilated eye examinations. This statistic highlights a critical gap in preventive healthcare. Ophthalmologists today possess more advanced tools for diagnosing and treating eye diseases than ever before, making it all the more concerning that patients are not utilizing these resources.

If cost is a concern, the Academy’s EyeCare America program is a valuable resource. This initiative provides no-out-of-pocket-cost medical eye exams with volunteer ophthalmologists to qualified individuals aged 18 and over. It used to be a seniors-only program, but it has expanded to reach a broader audience. All healthy adults should have a comprehensive eye exam by age 40, as early signs of cataracts, glaucoma, and age-related macular degeneration may begin to appear around this age. To determine eligibility for EyeCare America, individuals can visit www.aao.org/eyecare-america/patients.

DEAR ABBY: Switching gears, I have another pressing issue to discuss. I’m facing a dilemma regarding my son and his family. They work full time and have two children, ages 11 and 9. Their home is in a state of disarray—it’s dirty, dusty, and carries an unpleasant odor. Each time I visit, my breathing is negatively affected. I've suggested they hire a housekeeper, but my son has declined this offer. His wife is solely responsible for cleaning, laundry, and grocery shopping, while he and the kids contribute little to these household tasks.

Over the years, I’ve cared for their pets during vacations, but I find it increasingly difficult to do so due to the living conditions. I’m unsure how to communicate to them that I can no longer help with pet-sitting without hurting their feelings. The state of their home genuinely impacts my health. How can I address this sensitive situation? — COVERING MY NOSE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR COVERING: It’s important to recognize that if your breathing is affected when visiting your son’s home, you may be allergic to dust or, more likely, animal dander. This is a health concern that should be discussed with your doctor, who can recommend appropriate testing. Once you have clarity on your health situation, you should have an honest conversation with your son and his wife, explaining that your health is at stake and that you can no longer take care of their animals during their travels. Open, honest communication is key.

As we navigate challenges in both eye health and family dynamics, it’s crucial to advocate for our health and well-being. Awareness and proactive steps can make a significant difference, whether it's through preventive eye care or addressing uncomfortable family situations.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. You can contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.