My Husband’s Shocking 50-Pound Weight Gain: Is His Love for Food Destroying His Life?

DEAR ABBY: For decades, my husband and I have shared our lives together, but a persistent issue looms over our marriage: his weight. His struggle with obesity has not been a short-term battle; it’s a long-standing condition that he has repeatedly vowed to address, yet his promises remain unfulfilled. Despite the warnings from his medical professionals, he continues to overeat and shun physical activity, often vocalizing complaints of aches, pains, and fatigue. When we dine out, he devours his food rapidly, leaving me to fend off waitstaff eager to clear our plates before I’m finished.

Recently, during a dinner with friends, he was the first to reach the buffet, consuming twice the amount of food as everyone else and finishing well before the rest of us. This behavior hasn't gone unnoticed; several friends commented on it. He faces serious health risks, including high blood pressure and cholesterol levels that can no longer be managed with medication. Our intimate life is suffering due to his weight, and medications that previously helped have ceased to be effective.

His cardiologist has strongly urged him to make significant changes to his lifestyle, yet his first meal post-appointment was a steak hoagie and fries. He has undergone therapy for various issues over the years, and we have even started couples therapy. I care deeply for my husband, but it saddens me to see him choosing a path that may lead to self-inflicted disability. I’m reaching out for advice on how to cope with this situation. — DISAPPOINTED IN FLORIDA

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: Your feelings are entirely justified. You have every right to be concerned about your husband’s health and well-being. However, it’s crucial to recognize that until he acknowledges the possibility of a food addiction and is ready to actively confront his eating habits, any efforts on your part will likely be futile. It’s important to continue expressing your love for him and your desire for him to prioritize his health for both your sakes. Yet, you must also focus on taking care of yourself and prepare for the potential outcomes if he chooses not to pursue a healthier lifestyle.

DEAR ABBY: I’ve grappled with something since childhood: being a target for blame over actions I didn’t commit. Accusations of stealing, lying, and various other misdeeds seem to find me, often catching me off guard. When I make a mistake, I am quick to own up to it, but I rarely receive an apology when the accuser realizes their error. This pattern has left me feeling increasingly angry and resentful as I grow older. How can I manage this? — DUMBFOUNDED IN COLORADO

DEAR DUMBFOUNDED: To address your concerns, I suggest a two-step approach. First, when someone wrongly accuses you, it’s essential to communicate how their behavior has affected you emotionally over the years. Secondly, if the situation arises again, consider distancing yourself from that person until they offer an apology.

Dear Abby is a long-standing advice column created by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and originally founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. For more insights, you can reach out to Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or via mail at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.