8 Shocking Christmas Traditions Boomers Swear By—And Why Their Kids Want to Run Away!

Every December, my inbox fills with messages from readers grappling with the stress of family gatherings. The common thread? Parents insistent on maintaining traditions that often feel outdated or burdensome, leaving their adult children feeling trapped and anxious during what should be a joyful time. This scenario resonates with many, especially as family dynamics evolve and the expectations surrounding the holidays shift.

Tradition can be a beautiful thing, but it can also become a cage. As someone who spent years in the high-stress world of finance, I remember the dread I felt as the holidays approached. It often felt like just another obligation where I couldn't quite measure up to expectations. Many Baby Boomers grew up in a time when family customs were revered, and questioning them was often frowned upon. Yet, today, adult children have their own lives, their own families, and their own interpretations of what makes the holidays meaningful.

If December fills you with more anxiety than joy due to family expectations, you're not alone. Here’s a look at some of the traditions that might need a serious rethink.

Rethinking the Marathon Meal

Every family has that one meal—a twelve-course feast that demands hours of shopping and days of preparation. I remember my mother insisting on a spread meant to feed thirty people, even though only eight of us were coming. When I suggested simplifying the meal or having guests bring dishes, you'd think I'd suggested canceling Christmas.

The real issue isn't the meal itself; it’s the expectation that someone, usually the women in the family, will sacrifice their entire holiday weekend to create this culinary spectacle. Why not shift the focus from food preparation to spending quality time together?

Matching Outfits: A Photo Op Gone Awry

Imagine being in your late thirties and still receiving color swatches from your mother for the annual family Christmas card photo. I've witnessed grown adults argue over whether burgundy counts as red, all because someone decreed this year's theme was "classic red and green." Stressing over coordinated outfits and forced smiles rather defeats the purpose of family photos.

Instead, the best family photos are often those taken candidly, where everyone looks genuinely happy rather than trapped in a staged production.

The Gift Exchange: A Long-Drawn Affair

Then there’s the infamous ritual of opening presents one by one, a process that can stretch for hours. The designated gift distributor hands out each present, and everyone must wait for their turn to watch as their gifts are opened. By the time your father is on his third pair of socks, you’re secretly checking your phone, wondering if it’s too early to start drinking.

Why not explore more efficient ways to exchange gifts that allow everyone to enjoy the moment without sacrificing an entire day?

Holiday Gathering Overload

The pressure often extends to attending every single holiday gathering. Christmas Eve at your parents' house, Christmas morning at your in-laws, and then back again for Christmas afternoon—it's a logistical nightmare. For many adult children, this scenario is compounded by the demands of their own families and in-laws, leaving little room for a quiet moment at home.

Guilt trips about "but we only see you once a year" overlook the reality that rushing between obligations rarely leads to quality time spent with family.

Passive-Aggressive Concerns

Then there’s the passive-aggressive commentary, often disguised as concern. Comments like, "You look tired, are you eating enough?" or "Your sister managed to make it home for a whole week," aren't expressions of love; they're often veiled criticisms. I’ve experienced this myself, as my mother still introduces me as "my daughter who worked in finance" rather than as "my daughter the writer," despite my career change years ago.

True connection involves honest communication, not these backhanded remarks disguised as concern.

Challenging the “This Is How We’ve Always Done It” Mentality

Any suggestion to modify a tradition can result in shock and hurt feelings. When I suggested incorporating a vegan option alongside the traditional meal, the resistance was palpable. Longevity does not automatically equal value, and this mentality can stifle necessary change.

Adult Children’s Traditions Matter Too

When my partner and I established our own Christmas morning tradition, my parents reacted as if we had betrayed them. The assumption seemed to be that their traditions would automatically carry over into our lives. However, wanting to create one's own rituals should be recognized as a healthy form of development, not rejection.

Keeping Up Appearances

Finally, there’s the relentless pursuit of perfection—everything must look flawless for neighbors and relatives. Families often put on a façade of holiday cheer while tensions simmer beneath the surface. Genuine connections require vulnerability, not a display of performative perfection.

If any of these traditions resonate with you, take a deep breath. You're not a bad person for dreading December. The holidays have become laden with expectations that sometimes overshadow their true purpose: connection, rest, and joyful celebration. Setting boundaries with family doesn't mean abandoning them; it means respecting yourself. Change can be uncomfortable, but it is often necessary.

This year, consider initiating conversations about which traditions actually bring joy versus those that induce stress. Perhaps suggest one small change or decide which gatherings to attend or decline. You have the power to create a holiday experience that resonates with your authentic self. And remember, setting boundaries is a skill that takes practice—start small, be consistent, and prioritize your well-being alongside family connections.

The goal isn't to eliminate traditions altogether but to create space for those that nurture rather than drain us.